Returning
Social media is full of back to school musings at the moment. Often the season has felt out of step with the change of energy - I remember many warm September days dressed prematurely in winter weight uniform, wishing I was still playing outside. This year, the shorter days and misty damp mornings are already with us and the blackberries near my home are over.
As an adult I never understood why I seemed to have more time but accomplished less without the school run to do twice a day during the holidays. Then I thought about it from the perspective of understanding our habits. Habits run on cues, stack on each other, mesh with the timings of others’ activities. They may be initiated by the sense of time pressure and maintained by certain rewards (grades, affirmation from our support networks, a sense of productivity). When we go on holiday, or our kids are at home, or our work patterns shift over July and August, it can feel like all our jigsaw pieces have been thrown up in the air, landing in new and nonsensical configurations.
Then comes our inner voice with its own story telling. I have no willpower! I’m disorganised! I’m so forgetful! When we tell stories that increase our discomfort about what we observe, then we may procrastinate in order to avoid our dysregulated feelings.
My suspicion is that most of us experience some disintegration of habits over the summer, whether that’s exercise, healthy eating or structured working, and it's so much easier if we can move past self-criticism and start thinking about we want for ourselves in the coming season.
Here are some of my favourite strategies for getting going again on your projects, in a way that is right for you.
Before anything else, if you are feeling anxious or resistant, offer yourself some compassion.
This feels tough right now. It's a human response (often to telling unpleasant stories about ourselves, to ourselves, then believing them). What do you need right now?
Maybe a hug from someone (furry or otherwise) you feel really safe with - co-regulate.
A vent to a friend - it can help shift energy to vent, though don’t hang about here too long, it’s important to move forward once you are emotionally settled.
A walk or run somewhere expansive - so there is work to be done, yes, but how big is it really, in comparison to the sea-sky-hill-scapes in front of you?
Maybe you need to start. Now.
How might you make the task more palatable?
Remind yourself that most tasks we avoid are worse in theory than they are in practice.
Choose your setting carefully - do you need absolute quiet? Do you need to be indoors or could you sit in the garden? Could you do your planning in a coffee shop with a friend and a cinnamon bun? My son says he gets more done in smart clothes than his PJs but maybe sneaking in planning in your lounge wear might get the wheels turning.
Start with tiny steps - small, achievable chunks that can be done in one sitting. Starting is often the hardest part - what can you do to make it easier? Could you roll out your yoga mat daily and stretch for 5 minutes rather than sign up to a block of classes? Could you commit to reading one paper and jotting down the reference, rather than instigating a heavy reading schedule?
If your inner critic wants to offer an opinion about small steps, ask that part of you if it might be willing to soften back, just until your routines are up and running again.
Take a solution focused approach by starting with some of these questions:
If in two weeks I was to find myself making progress in just the way I hope to, what might I look back and notice myself doing in this planning session?
When I’ve had to reset habits and patterns of working in the past, what helped?
What would be the first signs later this week that would tell me I'm on the right track?
And finally - who might help? Maybe you have a a colleague who would be up for a goal setting session. Or a friend who would be willing to co-work with you as you get started. I have space at the moment so if you’d like to explore coaching with me, please email abi@buddevelopment.co.uk.
