Good stress bad stress
Things are tough for changemakers right now. I keep hearing clients say:
I am just about keeping balls in the air, but I can’t do anything more
Hybrid working is making my life extremely complicated
I’m going through the motions at work, but my heart is not in it
I don’t feel like I’m doing anything well
I’m starting to doubt I’m any good at this
Maybe I should go part time?
April is Stress Awareness Month so this is a good moment to pause and think about what's going on for us.
Stress is a physiological response in the body. It’s our survival urge to run away or fight off danger. Research shows us that not all stress is bad, and some stress is good for us. So, what makes the difference?
In her book, The Upside of Stress, Stanford Professor Kelly McGonigal explains stress is bad for us when:
It feels meaningless
We don’t feel equal to it
It’s out of our control.
This makes so much sense of our current malaise. A dark geopolitical backdrop has created a baseline of anxiety that is way out of our control. On top of that, as organisations hustle people back into ‘a new normal’ we are losing control of the carefully balanced work patterns that we made to manage competing demands on our time.
When it feels meaningless
Sudden dictats that you go back at the office can feel utterly meaningless. So, what can we do? Wellbeing coach Abi Boughton-Thomas helps clients to see that the stress they are experiencing is not meaningless. She explains that whenever we feel stressed, it means something we care about is under threat.
When I was having sleepless nights over a clash with my son’s school, this understanding made all the difference. I was able to move from rumination and self-blame to acceptance. I was able to see clearly that certain educational values were really important to me, and my stress response was simply showing me things were not right. I was right to speak up, even if that was challenging for me.
When we don’t feel equal to it
Workplace stress expert Professor Cary Cooper explains that we feel stressed when demands placed on us exceed our perceived ability to cope. So traditional approaches to stress management focus on tools that help us to cope. Things like time management and breathing techniques.
While these techniques can be helpful, it is very unhelpful to think ‘if only I was a better coper, I wouldn’t be experiencing this.’ It is a lot more helpful to remember that we are all human, we all experience overwhelm, and we don’t have to do everything ourselves. (Underlined with love for all the people pleasers, perfectionists and over-achievers :)
When it’s out of our control
Reality check – most of life is out of our control. Not a terribly soothing thought I know, but it’s true. However, not everything is out of our control. We usually have choices, even if we don’t like any of them. Seeing our choices is hard when we are stressed though. Everything feels jumbled and intertwined. Regaining a sense of control happens when we relax enough to see the wood for the trees, and that happens most in the company of people we trust.
An invitation to pause
If you are feeling pulled in all directions, then you may like to join my next Powerful Pause group coaching programme which starts on 19 September 2022. This is a really warm, supportive programme that will help you to step back and overcome overwhelm. One recent participant said:
“This programme is exactly the powerful pause it says it would be. It brought together like-minded powerful people who want to work on ways to be more effective leaders, without it taking its toll on them as individuals. I came away feeling empowered and more confident in my own abilities and what I have to offer - and I definitely plan to stay part of this important community.”
Check out all the dates, details and testimonials here, and if you have any questions about whether this might be for you or someone you know, just get in touch. I’m happy to answer by email or have a chat on the phone.
Take a deep breath…we are all in this together :)
